Sunday, October 21
ahh im gna miss my 4 year old blog. but its time to move on to wordpress
http://likewiseme.wordpress.com/
its still not very ncie yet, working on it. figuring it out
visit it if you're free.
mm.
harrypotter symphonic suite brought back certain sad memories.sigh. oh well(:
[em]ily_ 11:27 PM
Saturday, October 20
im moving to wordpress soon, once i figured it, i got the page alr..just making it look better.
i guess sams rite, i should stop. sigh.keep all these pain in my diaries.mm. aslongasyou'rehappy
yawn..
sper tired,
no energy to post about games. so till later
[em]ily_ 11:06 PM
Friday, October 19
as i stared blankly into space. i prayed a silent prayer. it was the third time i was praying. the third time within less than 12 hours. but i guess it was worth it. cos the most impt reason why i prayed that prayeer, it was answered. my friends claimed that while they all made so much noise about advancing and promoting and the grades, i was so calm. was i really? my hands shook as i hesitated to open that message. my worry was overwhelming.just that it was all in me. just that cos i haf no right to express any of it.i openned the message. relief overwhelmed me. more than seeing my chinese results. more than anything i ever felt. and for once. i smiled.really sincerely. i never thought i was this badly affected by all of this. but apparently i am. but atleast, the glimmer of hope for you to pass just got more obvious. it should be ok. thats all that counts. but im not taking chances. im praying for your happiness every night..til wednesday comes. and once again i really hope dear God up there would listen to me, and grant me this one wish..as always. it always came with such a sacrifice.
im honestly thoroughly disappointed withmyself. but i know ppl will curse and sewar at me,so i shant say it here.just know that i din get an A for physics, i knew this would've happened. keep my hopes so high and let it go on a free fall.
thats how things are rite now. and i just haf to accept it.
ppl who saw me after that paper, though im disappointed in myself. all i haf to say is that i wasNT openly showing depression over my marks. i was pretty much...dunno what to say about it la. HOWEVER that frustration and sadness you could see inmy me.was just smth i couldnt let go anymore. cos once more i live in another life of just..empty words.
once again.thats just how lifes been anw. and i just haf to accept it again.
i dunno i just realised that though i obtained the justification i was looking for, at the same time, i also found some cold hard truths forced right into myface. and i struggled to gather all my strength to face it. the fact remains simply. how insignificant and detrimental i actually am to your life. i tink im a jinx to you honestly.look at how many times things screwed up for you when im around. now im gone. thinks seem to look on the better side. im sure that you no longer need me to help you with your studyies much either, cos the less i help the better you do. the useless tuition teacher who only gave you a b for humanities.the fact remains there. its no point contradicting. i was tinking alot. and i realised that this was true.so in the end i guess God answered my greatest need. for you to be happy. im not being sacarstic. im not being anything. im stating a fact. im happy you're happy. smtimes of cos i hate to accept the truth that it happens without me. but.at least youre happy. and that the fact that all this while, im pretty sure that i was just all that was in your way.
thats just a fact in life. ill accept it eventually.
sigh.
and again it all rounds down to a pure simple fact.
useless.
sighs. cant even help myself..i guess i shouldnt go around helping others...
ANW on a brighter note.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAYING!~(:
today went out with sarah and sheree after school, hahaha quite fun after the retard thing htat happened at acsi and stupid amos.-.- then eventually we headed off missing our stop and tinking that we were on the correct bus alr, thank you for 111. our saviour. and fine thank you sheree.haha. and then we went and dropped off at lido for toilet break.hahaha. and then slowly walked down passing through wisma and taka, walking and talking until we reached ps, and searched for sarah lees ball.DUN TINK SICK. and after searching and falling in love with some daiso stuff. we went along to times, and bounced to bimbo shops for uhhmm. haha. i tink im quite proud of how its turning out.:D
lala then we had kfc for dinner, talked alot. wah kinda oily. i ordered my usual, what i used to order last time.almostordertwo shrug habit, dun worry il overcome it.haha. then we walked around somemore looked around. looked at vcds and all that stuff. sheree and sarah wants to dress me up one day..er.ok.sounds a wee bit scary. but oh well,if it makes yo both happy, haha i tink ill find it hilarious myself.hahahahaha.:D me dressed up. lol wat happened at prom, disaster.:D hahaha, this time. cant imagineee:D hee. ok im on, sounds fun.
meanwhile i tink ill return to not trying anymroe, and back to jeans and big "guys shirts." or my tees. skirts, gna get dusty. i tink i need to seek comfort in my self delusion again.back to good ole, quiet me, with still absolutely no taste in fashion.:D
the goodole emilypooi(:
all that change, not gna get back to it..
THANKS SARAH AND SHEREE FOR TODAY(:
and from tusadays with morrie i learn hiding my emotions is not the key. i tink mitch albom books rock, highly recommended to ya'all.(: reading is my key to escape(:
TMR IS TIME TO GET DIRTY!:D (ACBAND GAMES LA. sickos!~)
TOODLES!~
one day ill find the one who will truly be there for me..FOR REAL.
and he'll accompany throughout all my darkest trials.
and he'll relaly be the one who'll never leave me alone.
and its just not now.
and its ok.
but for now i tink i should stick to mugging books, and not pusuring more than the already sweet cmopany of all my dearest friends.cos friends are the best(: and if anything, i dun mind living this life with just friends by my side(: cos they are the oens who relaly will never leave me.
thanks all(:
[em]ily_ 9:17 PM
Thursday, October 18
IM SORRY I HAD TO EMO. DUN READ LA.
each nite when i go to sleep. i tink.andicry.
everytime i see your face.i rmb andicryagain.
everytime i haf a break.im hit by a sudden instinct andistop.
i was looking around while stonign at breaks, i see ppl i hear about. and i wonder how they could act like nothing happened.i wish i could figure out the way to forget and just move on,like you are insignificant in my life, as i am in yours.
hakim told me today taht im not being myself.
i guess hes rite.
cos all these months in acjc, you usually see a confident me. but now im just tired, withdrawn, lost.sigh.all my methods failed. i cant hate u no matter how hard i try. i cant forget no matter how i try. so all i haf left is to self condemn. and somehow tahts so obviously a even more screwed up way of doing things
but thats all i can do now.
gragh i hate this. and i hate myself.gragh.
anw if i din eat for dinner, which i had to cos if not my parents would've kille dm e, a few biscuit pieces, and three sips of water tonite. shrug. appettites screwed up. and i cant be bothered with the hunger pangs anw.haha.super bad appettite ill prob not eat at all if i was given the opportunuity to.
tmr. goodluck ppl, ill be rpaying for all of ya even when im not usually a praying sort. esp for you, so far, my praying hasnt not worked.
i sure hope it works again.
cos anw as always im always praying for you all, and im always using myself as the sacrifice in my prayers, so hopefully once again, all will be fine for all you all.
[em]ily_ 5:56 PM
Wednesday, October 17
frick.just forget.frick.icantdothis
just a dream i was awaken from.
i cant just tink of it that way.somehow...
[em]ily_ 11:03 PM
freak no motivation at all man.
freak can my brain stop rmbing things.
[em]ily_ 8:53 PM
no one ever mentioned the expiry date.
i guess even God's greatest gifts have expiry dates.haha.
shrug. IM NOT EMOING. im just in a shrug-ing heck carish mood.
why cant memories too have expiry dates?
then i wont be haunted anymore.
[em]ily_ 6:18 PM
shucks.
im supposed to be ok, i cant keep breaking down
[em]ily_ 9:25 AM
Tuesday, October 16
stupid zhan got me addicted. haha..
Someone Who Lives In Your Heart
All-4-One
Last night I dream that you were beside me
It seems so real that I cried andillkeepcrying
When you've touched me
You’re my angel
And you've given me wings
And I fly away with you wherever you go
Cause you filled my heart and you captured my soul iwishyoudin..
And baby i want you to know
CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you whymustistilltinkofyou
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart yeatheyouinolongerexisting
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart yea..theimageandmemoriesthattheycant
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
And I know there's a million stars between us
But that won't stop my longing
To hold you and to kiss you
How I love you
And I'll find my way to you wherever you are evenifididyouwontcare
Coz you're in my soul and you've got my heart butiaintgotyours
And your love will carry me on wellyoudun
CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
Here in my arms,were you should be
Cause your love that makes me believe
That nothing or no one can tear us apart cause baby your in my heart
butimnotinyourssowat
CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
[em]ily_ 10:13 PM
Monday, October 15
just keep pretending.
and maybe one day ill be able to live somehow.
and then my feelings will turn from fake.to real.
and then it'll all be over.
just keep pretending
and it'll all be alrite.
[em]ily_ 11:21 PM
yesterday was not bad(: haha, met xy at 130 to go eat lunch before beautiful sunday, went to eat subway at marina, its biggg la!:D thanks for the card:D lala. then we went to esplanade in the hothot sun with my entire self peelinggggg (it still is-.-) then went in. ahhh i fell aslp cos i was super tired, and the bassbeats were so monotonous. im sed to music with sudden jerks in it. yawn.haha..
then after that xy and i went for icecream at haegen daaz. talked rubbish and feeling very tired, and i couldnt take i anymore cos the chocolate and whipped cream were so thick and everything.haha.
then samm came so we parted, met sam at starbucks and read some mags and talked here and there, then walked around the place and did a lil bit of shopping before finally! WARAKU:D:D:D:D wheeeee,
haha we bought erm, spaghetti bolognise THAT HAD AN EGG ON IT. erm pizza,katsu curry(mmmm:P) salad and soup came along part of the set, and sometempura set thingy:p. though we spent a bomb.mm it was like so worth it la!:D damn yummy:D heehee
then we walked around more, and talked alot la.hahaha.talktaltktalk shopshopshop.then eventually go homee sigh.hahaha.
yupyup thanks for the day sam and xy(:
my resolve lasted me two days, i haf to keep it going.andtherestgoesintolj
[em]ily_ 10:25 AM
Sunday, October 14
yesterday we had AMETTY fine dining as you can see from the above(highly colour adjusted photo)
bottom row from the left: jeremy(ingredient-chicken), yuhyiing(headchef n baker),amanda(corn crusher,fryer,blender etcetc), me(chopper and marinator).
top row from left: tim(masher,kitchen owner,peeler,etcetc), Michael(cleaner n baker)
the aim: Jeremys birthday(therefore ingredients were changed to jeremys comrades instead.)
The menu was:
Names were sponsored by amanda and yuhyiing, haha. so basically we met up at Coldstorage at chancery court at about 4 plus, and then we went around shopping praying that after all was done we still owuld have enough cash for it, we only had 45 bucks, and tadaaaaaa just nice we spent 44.59 bucks.hahahaha! (at thsi point we would like to emphasise taht michael was late.) and there was a scare charge due to the three dogs that freaked xiaomei outta her wits when she kept the trolley.. then we soon reached siges house and we started on our work while tim went to wash up after his mudbath at frisbee.ahah.
after alot of rubbish of cookking, me and the violence with the bloody(as in seriously it had blood all over) chickenwing and the mashing of potato and the HUGE AMOUNTS OF BUTTER. and hand crushed cornflakes.oops.ahah and all the otehr rubbish. with that stupid jeremy FORGETTING ABOUT THIS.-.- and michael finally coming.-.- but michael made it up with allll the washing which he couldnt bear to forgo with his manly pride-.-
our results!(:
Fruity chicken salad: fruit cocktail, apples,oranges youghurt and cabage and mixed veggies with diced chicken loads of corn and a hidden mickey! with the grapes.hahaha.i like!(:yummmmm. but dun ask me how i crushed the orangesss!hee
Jeremy baked in pie: shepherds pie, the most welldone work, amanda and tim had hard time with the mashingoof the potato, which eentualyl was thrown into the blender and wooahhh.hahaha. underneath diced chicken mixed veges onionsbutterand chicken broth sauce etc,loads of stuff. yummmmmmmm. superduper nice!:D
and of cos the most impt dish, Out-0f-your-ass: choclate cake,mmm baked by micahel,yy and amanda, niceeeee:D it had 34 candles all glowing prettyly
see! i posted it again, lol tehres one in the family blog alr.but oh wellll:D heh then we made both of them "cry", cos they were bothh touched:D
[em]ily_ 10:04 AM
Saturday, October 13
im not allowed to be emo here anymore. shucks, gna have to find another outlet, cos afterall. im so not risking all this shit man.afterbeingremindedabouthowmuchistillcareforhim but anw, today i wish to whine about the past 2 odd hours of my today cos it was super grrrrr. woke up at 8 plus, and was super damn tired cos my sun burn on my head and the bruise was hurting like shit.idreamtoftheringagnhownice.
yea, then i rushed off to school to pass the scores to someone, reached there school locked had to wait at main gate, it started raining was stuck out in the rain for a while without the umbrella feeling like damn tired and annoyed, then after all he finally came and lo and behold the stupid scores the wrong one which means ill haf to go back on monday again, wtf. and then i walked in that bloody storm to the bloody bustop and then freezing cold went jurong, and by instincts rushed for the bloody middle train when i sohuld be going to the print shop. rushed out of the train in time and when to the print shop and went home, and then when i reached home it started pouring just as soon as i was about to reach home, meaning i was still home. yea. freak la.
i itnk im def gna fall sick la. so sleepy.
hopefully the rest of today will be fine with jametty outing and stuff. i cant be f-ing emo even when i want to.wtf.
graggghhhh ill stop here or else i cant help but keep wanting to be emo! FREAKKKKKKK.
[em]ily_ 11:49 AM
Friday, October 12
ok i promise ill stop being emo ok?
pleasee. dun do it.
thanks for caring
but.. if you do that, you're only gna make me feel worse actually.
yup so please dun.thanks.
[em]ily_ 11:18 PM
hey ppl! i might be emo-y again, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
anw, today was second games day, FLOORBALL CHAMPS.woot. not bad man:D haha, but aiya, din really help much, mirza,malcom,nicyin,sauchiu, martin they all la,haha...oh welll... but champs woot.haha..
mm really burnt la, the tan line sucks la. and its damn pain! and today when i went home some asshole acc punch me on my head with the sunburn la! WTH. i was like !@#$%^&* PAIN. wah crap im damn pain la , i tink this is like the worse burn so far la. wellphysicallyatleastmentalyivebeenthroughfarworse
hmm, then i left a bout 2 to go out with jeanette,sabo and liu. yay! haha ate at ajisen yumyum and caught up with good ole times.hahaha. lots of rubbish:p got sabo to use the chopsticks to pick up her FIRST prawn! HOORAH!:p hahha. then we went to the arcade, full of crap la! we were killing like idiots, of which i acc killed two innocent lifes la.hahaha. oops! haha then we played like the motorbike game, and the hammer game! WHACK LIKE DAMN HARD LA. and the baby game OMG damn tiring la!!!! AND DAMN RETARD LAAAAA. hahaha!! and basketballl!!!!!:D heeeheeee:D yupyup then we went to CC and then i had to rush off! sorry guys!(: thanks for today though!(:
hmm..sabo said that it was nice to have crappy emily than serious emily..haha, i guess maybe this facades not bad afterall, i should keep at it!haha..but i guess maybe it'll help me slowly push out everybit of thinking too much outta my head. and yea.hahaha
and to the idiots who think they can f-ing bully me rite. go to hell, jeanette sword can decapitate and disembowel. i dun think you're being cool. i tink you guyds are bloody bastards and i dun care about injuries now la. so if you tink you are adding salt to my wound. go f off.
but of cos many thanks t those who have been supporting me throughout these days, yup like gerdine,sam,xy,zhan, etcetc(: ill survive somehow.. without like turning to the wrong way.. yup
ben(og one.omgosh i know toomany bens) was telling me alotta crap la..stupid eediot.haha..well now you undesrtand wats actually going on, haha im sure he agrees with me that his initial proposal is totally off.haha..come back? hahaha.like it'd ever happen. im not being pessimistic. im bein realistic.
cant wait for tmrw.
meanwhiles need me burns, cuts, bruises and injured foot to recover.heh...
and of cos the pains of everyday..shucks.
anw i know he'll never read up la..i udn tink he relaly cares anymore, after all the shit ive put him through for the last threeplus days? haha. so i guess its prety safe to show the pictures of pon and zi which i adore so much without seeminy tooooo angsty,
http://www.ponandzi.com/image.php?img=9
just believe me, i just find it to be relaly sweet and adorable.it may resonate. but thats not the point. and if we're tlaking about relaly resonate, there are.millions of photos in there, where i can just glance, and cry. i would tell you the numbers. but i tink i said before rite?hahaha. oh well. laterrr...
before i become too emo
[em]ily_ 8:09 PM
Thursday, October 11
haha. i guess i really should stop emo-ing here, and just emo-ing to myself in my locked up livejournal.should spare you all from A HUGE LOADS of emo-ing in this blog..haha.but anw. ill talk about today, and leave out the bits i wish to forget. or the extra parts to anything i wish to forget, ill try my best.
but before i start. OMG IM SO FREAKING ASS RED LA. the tan line SUCKS LA. haha.. mm.lets see had stupid sex talk this morning. hmm. the stupid vid was damn annoying, and the rpesentor was honestly, DAMN SICK. oh my crap la.haha. then durint ct, lky was like asking me like what i thot about the video, so.. the only thing i could've thot of was. guy = jerk. well the one in the show at least.then she started going on about her opinions and how she actually feels that flirting is good for you, and how easy seduction is like what making a person feel special kinda thing. hahayeawatthecraplikesmthresonated. yea bloody hell. after that stoned at canteen.. was like so not hungry..no idea why.. then like after a while walk here and there passes amos the scores. and then go for games
first game got pangsehed.wth. of cos we played later cos they negotiated or smth, which iw as quite pissed over honestly.cos. of what happened later
of cos throughout the day, i was really like, damn useless la.haha. but the guys were super good, so we were wining all the way until like semis..hahaha.oh well.. tried our best. though i still felt horrible about the like blocking by accident, missing adn all that shit.
and of cos i meet some damn annoying idiots, one even made me lift up three fingers. not really high up la. just at my waist, if you dun get ti its ok, i guess i was just in a horribl mood today so all this just exacerbated all my annoyance, and so the three fingers went up.i really should stop being so vulgar.
but aiya.. i guess it was quite fun, only that i felt damn lousy. haha, and i din eat at all la. just drank like 2 cups of milo, 1 ribena bottle, and my cup of water, and now a large mash potato, and im nto finished with it and im full..shucks, im super screwed up.aha.
went home with sock, and like thanks sock from rescuing me from the motorbike, butsomehowiguessdyingsnotbad then like the stupid traffic lights at my house werent working, so i had to cross supercarefully, hmm.. iwishidiedtheretoo. and then now im home. ok yea, games were quite fun la...
hmm, but smth was tearing me up inside, so much so taht even with what sir said, i still couldnt cheer up.aha..oh bloody hell.
aiya wth la im so useless ive no idea why God lets me live.
and like im sorry, if you're super duper like angry at me and stuff, cos of all my moodswings and stuff. i guess i cant blame you cos i agree i dun make a hell lotta sense. and thats why i hate myself even more than i alr do. so i really wish you read this..but i just wanted to say im sorry, im so screwed up. please give me time to understand..
cos rite now i dun understand anything.
[em]ily_ 8:28 PM
Wednesday, October 10
one year ago, i was singing this too, and it somehow kept me going..so i hope with this, this year i can stay atrong too.but as i tink of this, pain just feels me up all over again. part of me just wants to go.. i cant do it anymore. i gifveup, bamboo pole kill me please. and part of me wants to keep going on for those who TRULY care for me.. i dunno how i did it, stay hyper, and ignore that comment, and ignore that company.but.. its no longer a matter of what really want, its more like, if i dun this i wont move on. and if i dun face it now, ill only face it later.
gawd sadly rite now, i fell more like dying.gawd, im so screwed up.i guess ill play ac games tmr after all...can i really move on?i dunno man. once more i feel emo.. and once more just ignore it. i guess there are more positive thisngs i said about today below. SLIGHTLY more positive only dun expect toouch, im nothing great...never was.. never will be. im just..haha..a screwed up uselese person..only pretending to be strong.. when im not.freak.ok soory. anw in the lyrics below, if you choose to read, the boxes are the eng translation, and the italics.are the emo part of me.. screaming my heart out... cos im freaking crying again.
Lifes like a boat[eng translation some aprts]
~Rie Fu~
Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before haha i feel it everyday wanna fight.
And if I ever need someone to come along,
Who's gonna comfort me, and keep me strong? i know i have friends, but the most impt one, never coming back la..haha.
We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on coming and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day yea how else to get through the day..
dooku de iki o shiteru toomei ni natta mitai[Far away, I'm breathing, as if I were transparent]
kudayami ni omoe dakedo mekaku shisarete tadake[It would seem I was in the dark, but I was only blindfolded]
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu[I give a prayer as I wait for the new day]
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made[Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea]
Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me, and keep me strong haha once upon a time.yea.now?haha.
hito no kokoro wa utsuriyuku mukedashiteku naru[People's hearts change and sneak away from them]
tsuki wa mada atarashii shuuki de mune o tsureteku[The moon in its new cycle leads the boats again]
And every time I see your face ill cry.
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon to run away rite?
I can see the shore
Oh, I can see the shore
When will I see the shore?
I want you to know who I really am well i tried.. but now i dun want to be vulnerable to you evera again...
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you haha.yea.if only i dun feel this way.
And if you ever need someone to come along,
I will follow you, and keep you strong i guess..i still will..as..a friend..as you wish..
tabi wa mada tsuzuiteku odayakana hi mo[And still the journey continues on quiet days as well
]
tsuki wa mata atarashii shuuki de ume o terashidasu[The moon in its new cycle shines on the boats again]
inori o sasagete atarashii hi o matsu[I give a prayer as I wait for the new day]
asayaka ni hikaru umi sono hate made[Shining vividly up to the edge of that sea]
And every time I see your face
The ocean heaves up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars, and soon
I can see the shore
Unmei no huneoko gi nami wa tsugi kara tsuki e to watashi-tachi o sou kedo[We are rowing the boat of fate, but the waves keep attacking us]
Sore mo suteki na tabi ne, dore mo suteki na tabi ne[But isn't that still a wonderful journey? Aren't any of them a wonderful journey?]
~well yea..all i long for..was just you, the company,the love,the care,the warm sense of strength and security i once felt.. haha, so i gave you everything, and asked you not to lose and break it...but...haha...what was i to expect..maybe what my friend said all this while was true..all this feelings...never stay real..haha...
[em]ily_ 6:16 PM
dun read this if you do. dun comment. cos i already told you not to read the blanked out words.that was such a wimpy thing to do. you call it off, and send ppl to antagonise me. wow. im so amazed by you now. thanks alot. you were a damn f-ing wimp and i swear i HATE what just happened. if thats how you're gna handle this situation, then you're a real loser. cos that was such a loser thing to do. i dunno about you, but im disgusted. and its starting to feel like, if thats how its gna be. i want you real far from me, even after ive recovered. cos it shows your true colours. and how frickin disgusting. you are. and how much more you actually lied to me. i was shocked. and wat shocked me more, was once again. it uncovered another fricking lie. you're really disgusting. though i hope tis not true. if taht was really what you set them up to do. i only haf ONE thing to say. friends? NEVER. though once again im praying and hoping that, i heard it all wrong. but truly. i was sure i heard rite. its all a matter of whose behind it, ad theres only one choice. and tahts YOU. and i swear, im super disguated, with you and THEM.
ive never felt so.PISSED off.
but no matter how pissed off i am, takecare pelase. you looked really pale today.i hope you're ok.yup.drink more water.
yes div i may seem so haha-and-high. but i swear its just a facade to prevent myself from trying to break everything else i see.
sry zhan din intend to break your back.
haha
ud asked me today, hey you celebrating this weekend! then i was like crap.oh yea. and i was like no.. and then i had to go through it all over again:( ah well. and the balloon thing at the hall was so fricking retarded.hahahahahaha! i miss the j2s alr:(
and i hate p double u.
oh well. but i guess. if you wish to destroy me as you choose, then f just go ahead, i dun care. i guess, after thinking alot.that yea, i dun even deserve another day of thought that i gave u once, and that i gave to someoneelse. so like he deciding everything in a few seconds. makes sense. im such a screwed up person. haha. hu would want a screwed up person, and other ppl dun come around making me feel better. cos its not true, cos i AM just really..screwed up.haha useless like shit.
and then again as i used to say. in life they keep throwing you shit and expecting you to turn it all into happiness, if you can keep up with the conversion pace. good for you. but hey,mores coming. if you cant, better hurry. mroe shits coming your way. its the survival of the fittest strongest and bravest. im none. im just a screwed up person. how nice.
en said over lunch today, (btw thanks en for accompanying me to dover) that it was better to live a short adn sweet lif, then a long bitter one.
bamboo pole kill me please.
liz and eugenes improvising skills damn cool, LIZ SEND ME YOUR IMPROVISED VERSION, GIVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY, ILL BE SATISFIED WITH JUST THAT.
:D:D
rolling and sleeping on the LTs stage was damn shioooookkkkk:D rollrollrollllll. DIZZY! hahahahaha!
yup i was spewing nonsesne to en when we went home, sorry! hahahaha.:p oh crap im so full of shit! no wonder i had to go shit today! hahaha! oh hell, TMR GNA SEE ROCHESTER(roasted nuts!) and get bitten by waffle again! who loveeees me soo much!awww hamster love is so PAINFUL.-.- haha, and going arcade to kill ppl wit jeanette,sabo and liu on fri.hahaha. i tink i should play vice soon. it'll cheer me up. in teh most sadistic way ever.
ahh, for now, ill stick with my blessings, adn that somehow God is letting me live no matter how useless i am..means maybe i haf some purpose now.. and i guess i should try to find that purpose. yup.
for now alto and music is LOVE.
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 4:56 PM
Tuesday, October 9
i hearda clarinet quart and brass quintet, they played nicenice, they played lil brown jug, i was happy. i erased the inerasable. and ill keep trying. cos soon ill stop adn realise theres a refresh button, and ill press it. and then gerdine and xy and samho will say.. ohhh so smart alr lor!:D
someone said smth funny to me again. they said i was strong, am i really? haha. i dun think so. haha. i just did..what i wanted to do, cos i thought it was right. but now i realised it is wrong. haha. so how smart and strong am i really?
ok i felt emo-y. after allim emi-ly!haha. dun read it if you dun like it.haha
Perhaps Love
by John Denver
Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm (ritteeeee)
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm (f.really.)
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone (haha. like now?)
The memory of love will bring you home (will it really.)
Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door (to leave rite)
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more (i wish i went far away instead)
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do (im lost in it, im struggling through/)
The memory of love will see you through (i tink its the otehr wayt round)
Love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel (um how about. candyfloss, you eat ti, it disintegrates.)
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel (it was.)
And someone say love is holding on and some say letting go (how about. completely ignoring? ill try)
And some say love is everything, and some say they don't know (i really dunno anymore.. haha.)
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain (haha, yea once you give u)
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains (ok that like contradicts, but i kinda get it!)
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true (will it ever fulfill?)
My memories of love will be of you (for now, and not always.)
]
[em]ily_ 9:48 PM
Sunday, October 7
i was looking at pon and zi today. tanks sam that i finally found it
http://www.ponandzi.com/
hahaha. i almost started crying.
many of them resonated here. haha but they're so adorable youjust gt to see.
but im not posting them here, cos already the post below is angsty.
i dun want to make things worse.haha..
yea.butimissu
[em]ily_ 8:05 PM
please understand that i did not put this song here for the lyroics and that kinda stuff. its just to end what i started. thats it. approx 10 odd months ago. i put this up too. although it was obviously for an entirely completely reason. when i was filled with completely different emotions. well yea. this time. im putting this up. and ill never again hope to ever put it up. i intend to never feel this way ever again. im never ever ever gna turn back. i may feel pain. and i may cry. but time is never gna reverse. and i wont reverse it.things can never get back to how it used to be. and thats fine. its better than.. turning back anything and feeling pain again.im quite satisfied with the company of those who has accompanyied me. im quite satisfied with a life without you. im quite satisfied cos there are no more sacrifices thaqt ill ever have to make. there will be no more pain i haf to deal with nite by ntie.. there will be no more need to constantly worry about others anymore. im satisfied. cos then i will be indepedent. though ill take time to heal. and ill take time to stop crying.ill stop eventually.i dun need you in my life.you're just another brick in the wall to me. you arent anything. anymore significant anymore. thats what i aim for. thats what i intend to believe from now on wards. i ewant to be strong. i want to be independent. i want myself to be as happy as i was in sec3. when nth happened. i want things like they were when i was independent. i want to overcome this. i dun want you as my first priority in my life anymore.i dun want you as my lifes pivot anymore. ill be my own pivot.yea. thanks for all the encouragement.
and for those who are making sams life hard. just know its not a take sides thing? it was just an inevitable thing that happened. neither is to blame. only human emotions.haha. yea. so till later heres a song(: and back to my blood plus. i hope to finish it soon.
Bad Day
Daniel Powter
Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day(Oooh.. a holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
[em]ily_ 11:21 AM
Saturday, October 6
im sorry. i still feel.. empty.
i wish i could be as positive as yesterday.
but yea..
if you read this.. dun keep feeling so bad..
cos. its inevitable.
[em]ily_ 10:32 AM
Friday, October 5
thanks to everyone who was there for me
cos the care you all showed for me, im really touched by it(:
and..
that made me stop wishing that i got hit by that killer litter on tuesday.:D haha.
in other words, i can move on now.
im still empty.
but.
im half full. not half empty(:
good nite(:
[em]ily_ 10:33 PM
Thursday, October 4
i swear.. this promos was a real killer la! haha. like see my record:
amount of caffeine drank per day: min 2 packets of coffee, max four.
number of days that i shed at least one tear, or felt like crying: everyday.
number of days i felt like giving up and retaining: everyday
number of times per days that i felt like a coward and just wanted to run away by killing myself:everyday.
number of days i actually sincerely laughed: im sure there were a few, but its so minor i cant rmb any.(note keyword is SINCERELY)
number of explicit words that i dun mean to use, but i accidentally use a day due to frustration: i dunno man, i tink my english deteroriated alot la.
number of days where i slept past 2-3: i tink it'll be easier to count how many i slept days that i slept before that.
i rmb i had a lnger checklist, but i cant pinpoint them rite now. shucks.haha. i seriously need to go out with jametty soon! and release all these crap stress, and my ex classmates, and yes just friends. (ifyoutakelityoucanreadintottwordinmorethanonewaynullberite)
anws tmr is stockcheck and maybe dept dinner(: so fun!:D lala. gargh bt the dustball concept will be bad, cos like my nose is like damn bad,haha. yea just nice fall sick this morning, till i couildnt like conc during the paper.haha, i used 3.5-4 packets of tissue during the paper! and like before the paper iw as like damn lousy and stuff, and i was sleeping at the bleachers.. haha, then like lucky qian came if not i would like go for the paper alone, and stuff haha. aiya my ex classmates are still the best to me.haha.:D lala NO INFLATED EGO ALLOWED.:D haha
mm..haha. but aiya it ended true enough. but aiya.crap la..i dun feel so brilliant. but aiya today quite fun went out with engloong,ian and sarah lee, went sakae, then sarah left early and then the three of us stoned and waited for kenneth koh to arrive.hahaha.mm belgian chocolate icecream! and i bought biscuits for tmr!(:
haha, alrites, im tired and on medication, and still haf stuff to prepare for tmr so off i shall go!:D
and maybe tmr ill feel better and finally realise that promos ARE over, and its to feel good.cosnwijustfeellikefingcrap
[em]ily_ 9:07 PM
Tuesday, October 2
oh yea.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOAN!
whos birthday is today:D i aggree with your friend about birthday presents adn physics, so sorry that it slipped my mind about your birthday:( but anw hope you had a great birthday all the same, sorry i couldnt go swensens!
and of cos
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY XINYAN!
who's birthday was yesterday, that childrens day kid.haha.:D lalaa.tmrws we'll see!:D
[em]ily_ 5:10 PM
how to research when everythings unreliable!
gahh
3 more to go!
physics was..uhh... ok la, not good, not bad, chances of failing..er.. 51%49%.mmhmm.borderline.
history mugging is nuts, gtta start maths asap. @_@ gaahhhhhh
i seriously need to detox ASAP
all the coffee and late nites.
jiayoujiayou! to everybody hafing promos or other kinds of exams! JIAYOU(:
its just merely a fleeting moment of solitude.
[em]ily_ 4:35 PM
Sunday, September 30
GAHHHHHH. as of now, GAHHHHHHHHH
i tink like screweddddd! but. at least its just four more days. and then we haf like two spa papers, which though is like damn impt, but like the materials, arent too crazy.. phew..
but aiya.. i haf like a super bad feeling about promoting...
gp n cheena demoralised me. crap la. who falls into deep sleep in chinese with half her essay in squiggles. me-.-
oh bloody hell, so much to do so little time, but as always ngoeis notes actually make me laugh even if they make me sleep at 5 in the morning-.-
so gawd, lets just hope for the best, and prepare for the worse.
[em]ily_ 6:37 PM
Friday, September 28
i finally cracked a good joke, after so damn long!:D im o proud of myself. like JEANETTE I CRAKED A JOKE!!!!! depression and depression..hahaha.. but when she mentioned it..haha.. oh bloody helll..
mm..two down. four to go plus two practs to go..oh well..
haha, talking to qian, and ex sb8-ians haha, miss them so much..haha...oh well.anw, hmm..
dunno lah..
but anws, i realised ow much ive changed...isttwadlovedoestoyou
it isnt good.haha..
but oh well.. ill pull through..i hope.
screwed.
[em]ily_ 8:11 PM
Saturday, September 22
Haha, random song i heard on the radio today.. yup, brought back lots of memories..hahaha.. since like really little adn how the tv screening of its music vid would show, and i qwould squel in delight and stuff, haha, and my bro going crazee..haha. then of cos mass dance! good ole mass dance! i loved mass dance(: hahaha, gawed i miss orientation, theres nth better than it, i guess the seniors were right that it was the best days in jc life:P cos after that you deal with work, promos, exams, late nights, and pKb-.- and of cos getting your chem book stolen- so my bro claims... haha, i bought a new one alr..im too desperate..haha..
yup.. to the good ole days...coswhenyougettooclosetothefire,you'lprobgetburnt
Doing That Thing You Do
The Wonders
~
You doin' that thing you do
Breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do
And you don't mean to be cruel
You never even knew about the heartache
I've been going through
Well I try and try to forget you girl
But it's just so hard to do
Every time you do that thing you do
I know all the games you play
And I'm gonna find a way to let you know that you'll be mine someday
Cause we could be happy can't you see
If you'd only let me be the one to hold you and keep you here with me
Cause I try and try to forget you girl
But it's just so hard to do
Every time you do that thing you do
I don't ask a lot girl
But I know one thing's for sure
It's the love I haven't got girl
And I just can't take it anymore
Cause we could be happy can't you see
If you'd only let me be the one to hold you and keep you here with me
Cause it hurts me so just to see you go
Around with someone new
And if I know you you're doing that thing
Every day just doing that thing
I can't take you doing that thing you do....
~
its too close.
[em]ily_ 3:57 PM
Wednesday, September 19
yd said that when one is stressed they tend to talk alot of bullshit.. SO TRUE.
this year not so this year too exhausted to say anything at all. buttttt, LAST YEAR, oh gosh i rmb the magnititude of crapi used to say, rite jeanette? haha.. i tink thats how i coped well last time, but like now dunno why cannot talk crap, i tink coa im really tired now. i tink i should just let "loose" and jst let myself talk bullshit and hopefully it'll help me feel better..hahaha
now currently TOO stressed, its reached single digit already!!!!! NINE days la! frickfrick. im likedamn screwed... goshgosh...
sometimes i really wish i couls just run away.
run farfar away from all the tears, fears and frustrations...
i guess its all up to me still to pull myself through.. positive thoughts would yield positive results...
JIAYOU
[em]ily_ 8:44 PM
Tuesday, September 18
its getting quite routine.
caffeine
headache
piles of work
stress
panic
and just plain
ARGHHHHHHHHHH
[em]ily_ 9:28 PM
Sunday, September 16
i guess i was naive to tink sleeping at 4 wont screw me up. haha..
stress.. ughh..
it was still seven hours!
12days:(
[em]ily_ 3:41 PM
Friday, September 14
day two. considering im not doing it on weekends, i must say, im really slack already, its only day two and seriously i dunno how you ppl do it.hahaha.
wrwrwr....makes me go@_@
hopefully i can finish it by 12 and start on hist mugging.. by 12 and hopefully get sleep by 1-2
yupyup, and i sure hope tmr turns out fruitful..lots of work, so little time, i need to in crease me efficiency.hahaha:D
mugmugmug. ok time to drink water, while the suns still down
WORK
[em]ily_ 9:55 PM
Wednesday, September 12
cold
cold medicine
drowsy
gp mock test
die.
[em]ily_ 1:02 PM
Monday, September 10
thank you very very very much(:
[em]ily_ 10:24 AM
Sunday, September 9
it was engloongs idea-.-
and the zw look-a-like so doesnt know music, and he like translates damn horribly. like talking about overtones that time, he talks about you all are not in harmony.doh. wah but clearing up was damn funny, and super tiring pleae..haha and since i din eat lunch iwas damn hungry
then like.haha we got to eat the leftovers.hahahaha. i was so hungry it din matter
and the chicken was really damn good.haha. yup then we climbed back into school. and left for home
damn tired now. hahaha. homework. so sian tmr schools gna start..gosh....seriously..what holiday? boo..ohwell..workwork...
[em]ily_ 8:38 PM
uugh feel a bit unwell. i tink it was from last nite..ugh.
but got course later, and im not missing it for anything, ill prob feel better as the day goes on, im sure i will. i can do it. im not sick im not falling sick im not falling sick im not falling sick.
so much work, i was too tired last nite to finish i fell aslp at 1230 instead of my initial ambitious plan of finishing everything and not sleeping..hahaha
oh well.later then..haha.but in the end i guess im being slowly pushed to giving up hopes on everything and anything, cos everything will eventually disappear anyway, one day or another, it doesnt matter when. its just going to. and as it slowly fades away, no matter how i tried to struggle... somehow it no longer seems like its gna help anymore... so ill just get up, dust the dirt off my ass, and walk away... im slowly pushed to walk..further..cos anw its already so so far away. so far far away, and after all my effort, its still impossible to close up the gap.cos its not smth i can do on my own,but im forced to.but i learn new things day by day, and soon, it'll destroy me. ignorance. it'll save me. ill leave it to you now.cos my heart says..icant do anything anymore..
[em]ily_ 10:12 AM
Saturday, September 8
i tink commanding here actually like works. NO MORE SOFAS IN THE LIBRARY. FINALLY.ifeellikeimpushingagainstthewall
ok today..was a weird day. but at least it trained my stamina? yupyup.hahaha but ryan was going like i hate pirates adn grease now la! hahaha. well we did play like damn alot of times,hahaha.the tunes like stuck in your head and its dam fricking annoying.haha.like ahhhhhh the tune just keeps repeating like siao.graghh.haahasomehowimstartingtofeelrelativelyredundant
hmm...but i guess it was ok la. i wont say it was terribl, it was just tiring.hahaha an experience all band members enjoy every batch once.hahaha.BUT WE SURVIVED. WE DID. i dunno how we did it but we did.hahaha. and manfreds the man la! daddy is that our mummy!(: heehee..and yupyup the sextet thing was quite cool(: hahaa if fary can blush one ah, omgosh i bet her face would've been red la.hahaha.sometimesidunnowhyimthereifeelunnecessary
yaya then went out with sam, NO I DUN LIKE THAT BAG, I DUN I DUN. and omogosh im so stupid can like i bought like hp pouches adn then i tink i din collect from the counter after paying.f.im so smart please.argh.iwas so excited can.then liie..wt the. gawd. im so stupid la seriously.maybeitsjustme...
and home i go..late nite tonite, early morning tmr..workwork...gogogo..
TWENTY.
[em]ily_ 10:01 PM
Friday, September 7
GET THOSE SOFAS OUT NOW.
you can leave the jackets behind.
PANICKING.
ahhhhhh...anw.. tmrws open house...i hope ill like somehow last tmrw..hahaha. its been a tiring week, and with my sudden hit realissation and chionging..im really super exhausted.haha. but not like my chionging is helping much actually ..hahaha..
one whole month without band anymore? omgosh...so weird please..im yet to record down, but after this break...gawd, its gna be nuts...im gna haf to chiongchiongchiong..haha it jtus never ends...oh well. work is work, and no matter how when you are entrusted with something, we should always do our best.
jiayous emily pooi!
jiayous everybody!
AND COME TMR IF YOU ARENT ALREADY. ITS OPEN HOUSE@ ACJC.9-330! BAND AT LT4, will haf like sextet and tuba duets at the foyer, go watch BOTH VERY COOL(:
COMECOMECOMEEEE!(:
TWENTY ONE.
omg.
[em]ily_ 9:47 PM
Thursday, September 6
i realised ive been SUPER inefficient and slack,ONCE again.
The last holidays i said at the end of the holidays that "its ok ill clear my files during the holidays!...." and realised that holidays end after the weekend.
-.-
two conclusions: my holidays are way not focused
and way not efficient.
gawd. how exactly am i gna BE efficient...-.- i got to work harder. i tink im damn screwed up rite now-.- with promos coming in TWENTY-TWO days. i tink im quite...dead. im panicking only NOW. say im dead? im dead. bang! die. yup somewat. like aiya, i honestly din study much this holiday, im so disappointed, at least, i guess im panicking now, and hopefully no shit comes up the next three weeks, cos thats what they promised, i finished the shit i was sup to do before promos already(thanks to my dear department, gerdine adn rachel, and of cos to other ppl.) i hope i wont get bugged til.... after promos. then i can rush that and library work. ugh been too pampered form secondary school, where multitasking wasnt much of a worry, furthermore somehow i could study in like the week before and cope, and pass-acceptably. as i said many times, now its not just about how hard i work anymore, cos i know i dun really work really hard UNTIL i panic(like now.) but even now im not at FULL THROTTLE. yet. like last year, i was crazy, kinda wish im like last year, in theat high state of tension, after all it somehow still allowed me to survive.
but gawd, im really so inefficient this hols, stupistupid me, so i haf to seriously buck up and the next three weeks gna be reather.. chionging. ill do it somehow, ive got no other worries on my listfor now. itink.
so... jaiyou to the last twenty-two days.
no stoning for a few weeks, ill elave it to after promos.
hahaha
and jiayou to everybody else, im sure you guys been working harder than me, but anws, take care of yourselves as you mug kk? drink loadsof water, and dun forget your vit c and try not to sleep too alte, unless you're rushing like me.hahaha ;)
yup! we're all in this tgt! and we're move on to next year as a batch!hhaha...
its not too hard to get started. cos guys, ITS TWENTY TOW MORE DAYS, that means...
528 hours. panicking yet? no? alrites that means like we only haf like31680 minutse. still not enough? 1900800 seconds. that seems alot? by tmr at this time, it'll be like1814400
well, if you're not panickingyet, emilypooi sure is.
haha.
mugmugmug. jiayou everybody, we'll make it TO and OUT of promos.(:
[em]ily_ 9:18 PM
Tuesday, September 4
YESTERDAY WAS GREAT(: i want photos!!!(:
firstly thanks sarah lee and fellow welfar-ians:D for organising it in the first place
and of cos to liz and her family for the place, and WONDERFUL FOOD(:
hahha, if i were stuart i would've done the exact same thing, so that i wont miss out on this!(: the food was really damn good la! hahaha. and the ship was like woahhh:D like it kept swaying..hahaha, so cool la.:D
history notes are driving me nuts, and i cant conc and study-.- im so screwed please:(
ughhhhhhi cant get dow to mugging:(
[em]ily_ 2:16 PM
Saturday, September 1
it takes a hundred kind words to get rid of the impact of one demoralising one.
gawd, i missed the time when i could just be garang, and like. do what i promised to do as a leader back then
a leader should never cry.
i need to..start again, i seriously need to stop hafing bad days, adn putting them aside and cheering myself up, seeing im the most reliable, cos i know myself the best, even tho i know my self so little alr..haha.
i guess.. its ok if i cry at home... but i tink i shouldnt be doing it at the freq that im doing now.
these few weeks haf been pretty yucky, and i feel kinda like horrible, disappointed in myself. and everything...
sucsk...
thanks to mama for this thingie which cheers me up a bit at least.haha.
shit, i seriously need to get back up on my feet.
and stop falling down.
[em]ily_ 9:44 PM
Friday, August 31
"Eh guys, our manliness is proportionate to the number of cards we have! " one year later, and we've grown one year older, i feel olderrr.hahaha.. sup to meet at 1230, we were all late! im like destined to be early, cos i was like 15mins late, but still earliest, again, one of the earlier few.hahaha. then sige came, followed by mama,erjie adn papa, laoda cabbed here soon later, and after a few intimidating smses to sange of "where are you! some where is not an answer!" and etcetct.hahaha he finally came by 115 i tink, so we rushed to pitstop, our dear beloeved shop!:D the woman from pitstop rmbs us! hahha cos we broke the cup.hahahahaha.and we're a bunch of idiotic retards.hahahaha. ok we started off with snorta! hahaha, omgosh retardedness revisited. witha ll the meehhhs, sss,wooff,mooo,hoot(toot?) oink, ribbit. hahaha, it was so retarded, papa lagged so badly, he usually like gave us warning, cos he cant figure out the sound . so he usually screwed up.hahahaha! so as usual he screwed up, with sige, hahaha.. oh well.hahaha:D then we played anotehr retarded game, called ugly monster, immense noise, screaming and all the rubbish! hahaha, mama acknowledged that im violent, and it was the game for the violent.HAHA. this game where we must haf the most cards to win, guess who got the least, papa. HAHA.he sucks:D we were like screaming uglyuglyuglyugly, at super fast rates! HAHAHA. then like snatching like nuts .hahahaha! okies then we had some more quiet game, considering that we had like some bunch of idiots expecting peace and quiet in a place like pitstop. RUBBISH. wrong place la losers! we played some truth or fib and apples to apples, which were more epaceful games, in a sense,(truth or fib din last long.hahaha.) but, its way too peaceful. soon later laoda left to run the omg shop, stupid papa! hahaha.(okok hes actually gone for csi, like right now.hahaha.) we then returned to a more interesting game of jurassic park.hahahaha, outright sabotage, the cheating pair of mama and xiaomei, then became, mama xiaomei, sige against erjie,sange adn papa. and after awhile mama betrayed us! and yea.haha! but it was such a fun game la! haha twotwotwotwotwtow~ oneoenoneoneoneoneone!! THREETHREETHREETHREE.hahaha!:D then we took photos, and left the palce.hahaha then we went off to boltero to take stupid pictures to create sensational news.HAHA. then finally we went home. lala, i bought a chippys original cheese sausage along the way, so much for saving money.-.- eternally broke. shit la.i itnnk maybe tmr i wont go eat dinner.haha. g diet.haha. haha, but oh gosh, i haf never laughed sososo much for sososos long,hahahaha.i guess tahts why they always say, "we're not friends,we're family" (: nothing can beat that.hahaha.(: never felt so able to feel at ease for so long, like can just throw aside all the rubbish of the day andlife, and just chill.. it felt so good.hahaha, just chiling, crapping, and aluhging, i laughed so hard my sides adn cheeks started to hurt, 6 pacs! hahahaha. oh well, but still im back to retarded reality, adn honestly, rite now i just want to bang the stupid retarded wall, im annoyed seriously. do you understnad? no is NOT an answer.(learning from scary mama:D) haha, photos are in our combined blog => http://arewemetty.blogspot.com/. Link at the side panel. evidences of our retardedness.hahaha. thanks alot guys, you all made this horrible day of mine a little bit better, as you guys do all the time.haha.so yup,ten thumbs up to our friendship!(: gdnite! 
there we were one year ago.haha PITSTOP.
and here we are again.hahahai HATE tmr already.
[em]ily_ 7:06 PM
Thursday, August 30
happy birthday nic ang!
that rat cartoonn thing which i cant spell the name(yes im noob) is pretty good.hahaha. you all should go watch:D
er yup.hahaha.taka department stall had a sale! hahaha.
yup alrites. good bye folks. back to work.
[em]ily_ 8:36 PM
Wednesday, August 29
i haf this feeling that im losing weight. cospplarestartingtonotseemeandwalkpastmeagain
dun worry im not being physically, if you're very smart you'll know, if you're smart you'll be able to find out, if you're stupid, then well you're probably the ones making me feel that way. sadly.
hhaha.. today was a relatively interesting trip to tekong.. tried their firing arms thing, so cool like in arcade please! like woah BANG woah! RECOIL. woah! okok i know im noob, making a big fuss over this, but woah. haha i passed man!:D haha the bunks had a terrile smell, and the rations were actually pretty ok la.hahaha, yupyup..and getting painted. sc looked like a monkey..hahaha.:D yupyup.. erm... went along home, yupyup.. ok i realised not much to say anymore.haha tmr teachers day celeb..haha. wtv it is,, my ultimate hope is that we would as a batch like play well to imprint a good impression on the ppl watcing us. oh welll...
my specs are screwed up again.haha. shit la.
[em]ily_ 9:43 PM
Saturday, August 25
today was a tiringgg day..hahaha, had like teachers day reh this morning, then like after that had sl traiing and then library/qm training.hahaha.super exhausting.hahaha, after all the rubbish went samsams house, first i was like struggling to rmb where her house was, then we went the wrong place.HAHA! my memory rocks.hahahaha.then played with waffle, sam's hamham, then like it bit me alotalot.hahaha yup liek it bites then i lift my finger and tis still clinging onto my finger with its teeth-.- got small red dots around my hand now.hahaha. then was like waiting for sam t bathe finish, then when she was done, we went offf, and had mango pudding.hahaha.then took bus to esplanade, adn met ben, like 1hr late-.-hahaha. then we went to marina to eat, we wanted to go some jap pasta place, where the food reallyreally looked tdamn good, but no time, and the place was super crowded so we went some ramen stall, which was not bad? like really authentic, the soup base was nice, but the sides..w.erent too good, very oily.
hahaha, yupyup, so much work to do meep! so little time! but ill do it somehow, by hook or by crook.hahaha. 34 more days! omgosh. im so panicking.
seeya!
[em]ily_ 10:31 PM
Friday, August 24
oh gawd, this weeked is crazy hmwk weekend. plus tmr! rehersal like at 7 plus, then trainingtrainingtraining. crazy..
stupid nicyin signed me up for soccer?! i can only rmb like kicking air in secondary school, and being goalie, but i wasnt of much good either way.id rather play badminton.but there isnt badminton! boooo. sadness.haha, yupyup, today played in the rain again.hhaha, im really hopeless lah.hahaha..
yupyup...one more day to add on to my list of wth days.
haha..
im trying imtrying i swear iam.
[em]ily_ 8:55 PM
Wednesday, August 22
here comes twenty chem questions, i like asked my bro to be free to help me on sunday.. thankfully its this weekend and not next when hes gna be away.phew.ill try to be positive about all this. since im screwing up these 20 questions will help me get my stuff rite, and like ya. but f la..i studied quite ok for this please.boo.
three days of torture. im so happy that next week ill only see that YKB face ONCE next week. the less the better.-.- here i am struggling to keep awake, and concentrate on my work. someone save me-.- i feel super duper exhausted.
booooooo. @_@ i feel incredibly zzzzzz
KENNETH KOH/ EDWIN:
I FOUND CHORALES CONDUCTOR SCORE.
rejoice!
okok back to history chemistry maths and physics.
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 8:25 PM
Tuesday, August 21
i may hate cats, but i promise ill really try to be more positive from now onwards.
mmhmm. i tink after buying those two notebooks, ive become like more persudaed to be positive. anw tmrs chem test is screwed. anddd...hmm.. cant wait for sectionals tmr, kinda haf lots of stuff to do:D and hmmm...
oh yea. er.yea, im screwed for chem tmr.haha.
i forgot wat i was gna say again. oh yea. im really serious this time, im so broke, i need to spend less on food.
hahaha.
yup im a glutton! ok back to mugging!
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 10:11 PM
Monday, August 20
hey all. heres starts the hectic mad rush to promos. desperation and everything-.- pure panic.
anyway todays anotehr retarded day in emilys retarded life. after the crazy amount of boring lectures, in which i actually managed to concentrate during physics lecture! haha and drawing on ryans hand during maths, and whacking nic after we went downstairs to buy stuff for physics lect. yup had lunch, finally.
AUNTY GAVE ME FREE STINGRAY!!!!!!:D omgosh aunty is so nice lah! hahahaha. but then like i din know that she was so willing to giver me the leftovers, like she purposelly din give nic all, but gave him like half and a fried egg, so that i can that little bit of stingray!:D omgosh! (ok im assuming here, but still.hahaha) then like ti was already add on to the fact i bought mano pudding and milo. alotta stuff, felt like a glutton.hahaha, but like the mango pudding was kinda bad.hahaha like...not pudding like.haha. then like, stupid nic yin. dropped a gummy bear into my asam stingray!!!!!0.0 i was like WTHHHHHH.*whack* haha.then like he also like wasted one gummy bear trying to prove the theory of the cartoon show last time"gummy bears" where the theme song says taht they bounce here there and everywhere-.- stupid nic yin
haha, then had gp ct, its ok i guess like a bit hard to find kinda thing? hahaha. then had chinese, was doing up my schedule,calms my nerves a bit.hahaha.
yawn im like kinda exhausted, i dunno why, i should be quite ok, had lots of sleep last ntie! oh welll.... tonites a long nite, need to do chem, and maths and gp, and stuff. hopefully ill get to start on my physics tutorial as well. so i can do chem and hist on tues/ wed instead.yupypu. jiayou... next week will be a slack week again. but unfortunately, i intedn to FINALLY start my intensive mugging, cos like nowadays all i can do is catch up with hmwk, no time for revision of my old chaps and stuff... hahaha. lucky that im okok with my current chaps so far, at least thats what my tests say. jiayou emily!
oh and i finally bought that BEAUTIFUL NOTEBOOKS.:D:D:D:D hee. alrites. i feel kinda broke now, gna go on a diet to save money for the rest of the week
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 6:57 PM
Sunday, August 19
how to not worry? haha.. shit laa... relaly need to relax here..hmm...work is not the problem..well it IS, but its like not really like, super big.haha... cos im just trying my hardest to catch up...somehow..haha.like kinda hard lah. like aiya. screwed up.haha.. dunno how to help myself:) but ill do it somehow...haha worryworryworry :x veryyy worriedd.....haiz.
worryworry.. ok im so overwhelmed with worry, and a horrid mood, i tink i should just distract myself with gp(irony?)
toodles!~menmyscreweduppersonality.
[em]ily_ 4:34 PM
Saturday, August 18
thick black bitter coffee..
just the bit that i needed to give me that little oof to work the night away...so much work to do so little time...haha.. somehow gna struggle through this night..boo, gna be pretty hard, but i guess, by hook or by crook ill do it... jiayouuu~~~-snores-haha, just kidding.:D
yawn.. anw, aiya, somethings, not worth saying. some things.... really just more worth to like.. i dunno.. aiya. stupid lah, i feel quite.. demoralised again..haha.....stupid me. i feel kinda like trodden on.. but somehow i haf to pick up and keep going, cos no matter what, i must do what i must do, and i mustnt let anything stop me from my job.yup, thanks anw(:
life can be really kinda cruel..haha, ok im kinda stressed out rite now, so i relaly should start work, and ya im kinda like....screwed.hahahaha:D and demoralised,lol. im starting to like be on better terms with this phone, just that my thumb really hurts, hahaha, the stupid keys.haha...
oh bloody hell stupid me...
GP PACKAGE. die!
toddles!~
[em]ily_ 9:41 PM
Friday, August 17
hey! i go twhacked by the ball again.-.- gosh pe has been like crazily rough. and playing netball in the rain was quite fun, only that my hair suffered:p got caught in the rain like 8 times today.hopefully i wont die of a flu
hahaha... stupid phone, ppl i kinda lost my contacts cos i really cant see shit on my phone now. and all the spare phones are shit
and yes ppl ive lost your contacts!
alrites. my moods so screwed up i forgot what i was gna type. so good bye ppl for now at least.
[em]ily_ 9:19 PM
Thursday, August 16
Look on te bright side! At least when you all made those wrong notes, ppl mistook it for modulation!:p
been a while since i cld come up with postable quotes, that are retarded-.- lala... past few days have been relatviely retarded and in a sense kinda...hmm... idunno theres been bad days..haha. quite a few. esp all those horrible late nites. ugh.tonites not gna be any better, im very sure of that...-.- the next weeks MADNESS i tell you...@_@ so many deadlines, tests, work!if i dun lose my brain im good.
booo, my glasses are still screwed.haha cos im not like, able to fix, and after SC like whacked me in the face with the ball... ooh, im seeing circles, and like.i dunno.hahaha....
oh gosh, so tired...
yawn, ok i better start work now.
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 9:20 PM
Monday, August 13
HEY. ok today was a relatively uninteresting day. maths was ok lah. but i intk there were a few careless mistakes? other than that it should be alrites. yup. boo. so tired. haha, i havent started the handbook and all that laa. hahaha...im sososo screwed.. but ill try my bestttt!:D to squeeze in time..... so much things..so little time.
haha today was quite funny in the sense like, this morning we all forgot that the j2s were not in sch today, so we went to like LT1 as always, and realised that OH SHIT its locked-.- and then shitshithist the bells ringing! we're screwed! and we ran down only to be locked out. haha but with persuasion from the guys, we managed to convince her not to give us DC! haha phewwwww. that was really damndamn lucky:p luckylucky.haha...
yawn so much work so little time, i think its cos i relaly wasted alot of time during m break? i tink i need to buck up, i need to improve my grades seriously. really need to see more consistency and stuff. need to jiayou! yuppers, workworkwork, i tink i can feel myself slowly become more motivated now!:D im so proud of myself.:D hee. i hope it lasts.. i must remain motivated.haha but boy this headache is killing me like shit laa. crap.haha...but oh gosh workworkwork. nevermind about the stupid headache it'll go soon. chinese test on wed and hist on thurs..gogoGO emily!:D
anw! im really proud of U. thanks for putting in so much effort now! thanks for trying so hard, and always going to study..thanks for it(: ive been reallyreally worried for you honestly. and now i feel veryvery proud of you, and your hardwork. jiayou kk! ill try my best to help you all the way too(:
okok, i shall do work! i feel so motivated now i should make use of this motivation and mug!:D
GOGOGO!!!!!!!!
toodles!~
em:D
[em]ily_ 7:58 PM
Sunday, August 12
nostalgia. hahaha listening to tracks and recordings from back then.hahaha. immensely precious memories.(: never will forget those memories man... they are wat that keep me going and pushing forward..somehow?:D
anw more nostalgia came from reading my past diaries... and then after LAST YEARS one, i realised that i should really buck up! cos like last year i was filled with optimism and no matter what hit me, ill grumble and whine, but ill never give in like i am now. so.. maybe i really shouldbuck up! i mean... lifes not all that.. bad lah... so i guess, though jc lifes harder than secondary school, i relaly should look to the good of life, band people, you, stingray. and thing that i owuld not enjoy if i wasnt in jc. i should buck up!(: heee. positiveness
but screw it lah like relaly stressed now. i haf no idea whats going on in this history chap lah... shit lahh..... and like i hafnt mugged much for maths test, and theres chinese hmwk that i hafnt done. adn i cant find the worksheet, and then gp, and then so much lahhh!!!!
oh wellll.. JIAYOU EMILY. i haf to do it somehow-.-
oh freak
goodluck to me:D
toodles!~
[em]ily_ 4:11 PM
Saturday, August 11
heya. grrgrrgrrrrrr.(sounds a bit like a car yea?) i WANT to MURDER that BASTARD. stupid.not listening.then later everything also dunno. everything also like that. i find it impossible to respect him for his strengths anymore. infact i tink hes immensely INTOLERABLE. he should just go and die..for being a typical useless...okok i should stop.
tdays class was a tiring day..haha...too much pizzaaaaa..hahaha ok im tired.need to get back to work..hahaha.too much other stuff on now.hahaha. need to get to other mugging work.hahahaha:D
[em]ily_ 8:13 PM
Thursday, August 9
"dun step on my white thread! or ill do smth to you!"
i tink thats like the only thing that i can rmb from stupid ndp reh and day.
HAPPY NATIONAL DAY anw...thanks for the holiday.
[em]ily_ 10:09 AM
Monday, August 6
ugh. i feel kinda lousy..like this badasss headache the whole day.. then like ive had no appetite the entire day. and i can tell that my bodys exhausted, but i go tlots to do tonite. workworkwork... so much work...booo.this is the week.
[em]ily_ 8:58 PM
Sunday, August 5
its just so fickle..one moment im high..one moment im low. it sucks lah.. my moodswinggs kill me like shit.-.- my phones dead btw. as in the screen is.. cant really see much shit on it. so yea, if i dun understand your message you konw why...ok no mood to continue now...haha...laterr thenn..
[em]ily_ 11:32 AM
Tuesday, July 31
im seriously crashing into a wall right now. and after this wall..if i actually overcome it. theres still many more to come. and honestly. im sick of it. im sick of crashing into wall after wall..and it never stops..it just never stops.. each time i meet one it drains of so much strength from me... i already cant convince myself to carry on,and yet eazch time i pick myself up and push on for just that one bit mroe. and then WHAM! i crash into another.are u sure this really is life? is this really wat im meant to live? i dun get it. all i know is that im so drained..my heart is empty... my brain is almost empty as well..a senseless robot... a mannequin with a face a bosy, yet no mind or heart of its own.
what the freak am i living for..what the freak am i here for.. i feel so sick of everything. cos basically now theres nothing. everythings just empty.
my dreams cant be fulfilled. my obligatiosn tear me apart. and honestly... its just all screwed up cock shit that i just want to decimate.
ive had enough.
[em]ily_ 10:41 PM
Monday, July 30
why the hell am i working so hard again?
for idiots like you?
is it really worth it? for my marks i guess it is.
bloody hell. why am i letting you all run over my head.
[em]ily_ 9:31 PM
Wednesday, July 25
those thoughts they keep replaying in my head..i suddenly rmb many things. things that teachers, friends people tell me...things that may have stopped me from missing my this chance. Thoughts that has been flooding my mind since..a few days ago... wake up call? maybe its about time i had one.haha.useless stupid me.hahaha. i cant believe i need such a big failure to wake me up and force me to face reality. and ya...
i guess.. in a way im lucky, cos at least its not smth super super major..in a sense...haha..but still an awful waste of money.and its all my fault.i could've saved up on fees of months to come, and the new examination fee. my gawd, i feel so useless..and so bad.
but then again, what does last minute practice..what did i intend for it to save? last minute work is always useless...i guess, i finally realise..and i am thankful, i found out now, and not ...when i reallyreally need to do well the most.
i have another chance. i dont want to screw up again. i cant fail again. i must reallyreallyreally work hard for this.and this time, its not a joke.its not something to whine about. its smth i need i must and i will do. even if i dread it, even if there are legitimate reasons to not do it. cos there will always be legitimate reasons...but if you let these legitimate reasons take over...you're just going to so screw yourself so much...its nto gonna help at all...
anw gosh i tink the security guard so sucks lah. like first when i came tp school, he almost refused to accept my verification for coming late.then fine he did, then i was walking inn with jef, and then jef asked to see that piece of paper, and thenthat bastard called me back demanding to know that that slip wasnt jefs! WTH i swear i wanted to kick him in the ass. and i had to take out my ezlink card just to prove to him. wtf lah. i mean like. hello? can you stop screwing my day.
and chem was nonsense, i could rmb nothing.oh great. i so need to work ahrder...
TEN more weeks....
thats all i haf left.
[em]ily_ 7:03 PM
Sunday, July 22
PIANO EXAMMMMM!
i was motivaed last nite(articulation), but it was kinda too late for me in the sense.. i still dun think im gna make it in tiem by wednesday..haha.i tink im quite screwed for it..hahaha. oh botehr....im improving, but its not fast enough and its my own fault for starting SO last minute... ive never pract so hard for so long! stupid me, maybe if ive worked harder, this would end earlier...haha.oh bloody hhell its all my fault for protracting this so called torture, somewat.haha.another few months with the puppet dance and ill lose more braincells than ever! i tink im going nuts with the third choice piece and scales...but i gues..if i really must, which i do, ill just continue on, and somehow pushing on more, even after somany years of just gritting my teeth and trdging through...i guess a few more months cant kill...(i bet it will but oh well.) all about perseverence, thats all i need to somehow...survive.haha. booo. maybe a miracle will occur and let me pass, maybe not.-.- hahaha. i fel quite abd cos im wasting my parents money. oh well...
wednesday.
kinda scary when i tink about it, cos im like playing like im sight reading..hahaha. isuck man...ahaha...
GP PACKAGEEEEE!
omgosh, im so dead can. hahaha im not annotating very well, but oh well theres stil like half more to go, and im going nuts already. hahha, my bad for not starting earlier(again!) but so much other work to do..hahaha hard to incorporate it into my schedule(yea excuses again.haha) nothings really going in either..sooo..hahaha. oh welllll...
oh boo i tink im falling sick, actually i dunno whether to be sad or wat, but i tink im gna fall sick but not sick enough to miss school and sometimes im reluctant to miss school cos of well work lah, and of cos to see my friends. hahaha but... grrrr. falling sick is annoying, and if im gna fall sick i want a day off to catch up with work(which ironically will be fall behind work too.-.-) haha. theres chem test next week, im not ready. there physics nextnext. im screwed.theres maths formula test next week, im so dead for that one too.. and haha. oh welll... theres the most major thing next week. PIANO EXAM :S and wthwthwth. im so dead. im so freaked out. and AHHHHHHHHH.hahaha.
oh well speech days next sat, cant wait for it.haha CAN SEE EVERYONE ELSE:D yay. and of cos yea. next week is like the week with THE day(: very important day!hahahaha. i still need two more things. money, and that thing. i dunno how to get that thing though. ughhhhh. oh welllllll, ill TRY MY BEST:D hee...
okkk i guess i should get around with gp package and mugging and doing homework asap. times tight, but not insufficient. still gna pract later! lala.
wish me luck!wyamialayssosardheiseplliehr
[em]ily_ 4:19 PM
Wednesday, July 18
adolescence or watever.
i cant stand it anymore.
but what i cant stand the most, is not just life and everything else.
its myself.i sometimes seriously wish i were dead.
and i just dun see the positvieness anymore...im losing touch..with myself, and everything else.
and im screwing up...so much.
and im sorry that this post sounds so emo and all that kinda rubbish?
but yea. im just not in the mood.
someone just shoot me..please.
[em]ily_ 11:03 PM
Sunday, July 15
FINISHED. finally the cip project is done. somehow its finished labelled touched up, all ready and stuff.. i hope.hahaha.close to the 24 hours of hard work.hahaha. and all of us went high on thinner yest after all the work.
we sun bathed on our hard work at the field, ate SO much for lunch.tried to revive smilie...digged into a gigantic earthquake! hAHA.yumm(: oh well as tedious and as annoyed i seemed to get, or as tired as i became after all that, i wouldnt NOIT do it if i was given the chance to redo my memory again.haha. it was quite fun, and teh memory from all our hardwork, is way too precious. ok its starting to sound cheesy. HAHA. but basically it was fun, and the satisfaction was great.
i dun regret the blue hands and thinner crazed days one bit, at least now lah:D hahaha. oh wellll...
on a more negative note, my grades, arent very pretty, i guess after mod for physics i so far passed everything, i dunno about hist yet tho.it looks ok, cos i passed everything? but i dun like it. its not pretty. promos in two months. im so screwed.hahaha. but, im going to make this one work. im so gonna make this one good. thats why im working so hard, and im not gna stop(:
in fact im gonna work harder.
cos no work, means no success..
lots to think about, lots to do. im not stopping now, if i stop now, im gna get trmpled on.
hahaha but thats the least of my worries...haha... theres more to think of and more to come.
friendship is all that is keeping me going.inferiority?
[em]ily_ 4:47 PM
Wednesday, July 11
politically correct.
what is?
by a stroke of luck. ive passed chinese.
someone tell me what to do!
[em]ily_ 10:33 PM
Monday, July 9
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINGXUAN!!!!
MXFC DAY!!!
DUN WE ALL LOVE MX!:D
:D:D:D:D:D
lalala. orals screwed.and yes im damn tired. so much work to do.so no mood to do.
to change to livejournal or not to.
[em]ily_ 6:41 PM
Sunday, July 8
pissed. and theres no helping it.
[em]ily_ 1:25 PM
two things i want to destroy rite now.
phone and computer.
omh my phones reception so sucks. theres only reception in the kitchen. and the computer area. my rooms recpetion is so horrible! grrr.and tday guess what it refuses to work no matter where it is.the reception is so screwed.
and my computer is lagging like shit i want to delete like half of the unnecessary stuff in it. its like lagging like shit. grr.
i feel damn pissed
anw. yest was a relatively exhausting day. i just clocked up like 12 hours of cip hours yest.and i was in school...for like.14 hours? no i was not at acamp. i went to acsi first to get scores. that was at nine. then after that we got back sorted scores,then started with the work for cip. red was the colour of madness. black was the colour of sanity. then after that me,gerdine,enjia and jefri went to buy lunch for everybody.coming back, saw dr lee then found out he was coming over and rushed out back to buy food for him. then later cont with work, thanks to my dear library department who went to dover in my place to collect scores. then coloured red and did painting..
i guess im just demanding in my personality.but.oh welll.maybe its just me.i guess it cant be helped that im such a person...to a certain extent la.ohwell.sometimes..i just dun really agree with it and everything, and part of my hates my self from not stopping it.if i had, maybe we would've left earlier.oh bloody hell. i dunno whether to feel disappointmen, confusion, or wat. shrug. but after all that we were dying from the fumes, going nuts from the massive amounts of work and starving cos it wwas past 7 and we haf been wokrin our asses off and being really tired.we started our massive packup scheme.which took us close to three hours. scrubbing off the blue and yellow and watever rubbish on our skins with water, burning thinner and soap. and not all were successful, im still quite blue all over. and not to mention the cuts were got from the boards.
and yup we're still not done. looks like there goes my next sat and dinner too.
oh gosh.this is wat happens when you're ambitious as we were.
oh well..i admit i wasnt efficient.oh well..time to learn.haha
yup. workwork to do.
[em]ily_ 11:22 AM
Wednesday, July 4
its just the first day of school. and it sucks already. and everyone says its gonna get worse. which im sure it will.
the first lecture of the term and i fell asleep. thats such a brilliant start. i feel so proud of myself-.-
ok i shall start work.
anw papers are coming soon. im screwed.
farewell.
[em]ily_ 8:51 PM
Monday, July 2
boredom kills, makes me do tons of rubbish. just did scales on my alto. ew i sound pathetic. oh well. at least i brought it home to work on it. been working on my survey results coalition the entire afternoon up till now, and was printing out fun ensembles/duet scores for my beloved section. i tink they look quite fun, hopefully it'll help everyone improve, thats the most important now.haha.
gonna start on my eom soon. not much idea how to get around it. hmm... spa kills, i dun tink i can rmb anything. ergh.5% of my as...so sooon. im screwed lah.haha.practical.omgosh.practical.
my mum bought back durians for lunch today since my bro and dad werent around. hee. damn shiok, and its so gna screw up my throat which seems to be deteoriating. yup..hahaha but oh well its all worth it. mmm durians. lala. oh well for a boring day.. at least ive done quite alot of work, i kinda miss days like this normal days.. like theres nothing much to do just a bit of work that we work on, lots of time, that i could waste watching youtube, though i haf no idea way to watch, or i could spend it on random posts of rubbish, or doing quizes or trying to work on a new blogksin. i love days like this when i dun haf to worry, and i can just keep quiet the entire day, and just fill the day up with myself. and my own pure enjoyment. im putting library work aside. and most of my hmwk, just stuff i FEEL like doing. like sorting out info, and finding fun scores,and freezing my lips with ice making them numb due to subzero icewater:D i love afternoons where i can just sleep and sleep and sleep all day. or times when i can roll about in my bed and not bother about a thing.
i tink it was called a BREAk. but oh well, its not the super good breaks i lovem butits pretty good enough for me so far. theres still some work to do, eom draft, practing my scales, my alto and my piano, reading more in my SPA..hahaha, but its ok i tink, its not that demanding, i dun feel the pressures rising up to my ears. of cos theres lots of work to do. but not now. not today. not this moment.
i want to make a blogksin, but i need immense inspiration. hahaha. i need something more coloured. and more...pretty and stuff.for a while.i need to make a new one. I WANT TO MAKE A NEW ONE.oh well somehow.
till the next random post of boredom
zhiwen daddys face was so red you could see it in the dark!:D
[em]ily_ 3:42 PM
i want a new blogskin! RAWR. tmrw is spa...booo..its so rubbish can.. im quite screwed for it...ill just make do with my report somehow.hahaha. boo... oh welll...
ive been thinking alot recently... and wondering alot... i mean, the j2s have left....im kinda worried...music-wise... but thenn...only with the toughest obstacles, will we become the strongest that we can be...i really hope it turns out that way.i relaly want to show others that our batch can make things happen...i relaly want to prove our batch worth. and i really just want to get back to making music... i dunno lah.. rite now i can only believe everyone..and hope for the best. its a shaky start..but its one never the less..and whether we want it or not. we have tog et thorugh it.thats all there is to it.
the tougher the obstacle, the stronger we become.
and we can become something.
we will.(:
[em]ily_ 10:34 AM
Friday, June 29
OVER.
i tink im getting attached to one word short posts now.haha!
[em]ily_ 10:04 PM
Sunday, June 24
requested
AMAH.
ok like quite nice word lah. :P
after hearing tons of spoilers. im sad!:(
and then again, smth interesting! ITACHI IS GETTING COOLER AND COOLER. i regret cursing him last time.:D
oh well. terms statrt tmr.-.-
faster start faster end.
but still. aiya. DIE LAH.
[em]ily_ 6:50 PM
sometimes when you dun feel like blogging..just one word is all you need.
RARH.
[em]ily_ 10:00 AM
Thursday, June 21
hey all... yesterday..was another ntie to rmb... i guesss...somehow no matter how screwedup we play.. i believe we MUST rmb it. because...i guess it should serve as a reminder to ourselves on how we should be lworking for our end of the year, our national perf etcetc...afterall if smth ais as impt as this to us all.. iguess...it should be taken seriously enough....maybe for some that was our mistake, maybe for others the lack of time, maybe also it was the problem of time management?i dunno... i know i din pract hard enough ands tuff...so i know..its my fault and not others..for my own personal responsibility...i tink i screwe up on that part..haha..i dunno...but i believe so.
and i guess it IS a curse to always forget the baton..but i feel quite ohrrible now? yea...i screwed up alot admin-wise the entire day. i feel quite shit now? but ohwell..no point feeling shit the whole day and not finding ways to improve..hm..erm..well..yea.haha...this concert was quite screwed.i din really do justice to my bros song....i was so freaking out of tune.andi screwed up so bloody much!=( oh bloody hell...
my long low F solo...freak. i couldnt hold! FREAK. its just a bloody long note. my keys get stuck on me.my keys refused to work. my low notes suddenly din want to play! omgosh.,i screwed up the soli parts.and faster. omgosh. i feel quite shit now? oh fricking hell.. the more i tink about it the more upset i get.but as i said earlier.. i guess its just a waste of time.to be upset. without constructive ideas on how to improve.
going to collect LOTR from nus today. shit lah. i dunno how im gna get blue horizon nad paganini. im quite scared.argh. i need to get my bro to bring me to that amk shop soon. like SOON. that means during terms. frick if only this was secondary schooll. i can still juggle all that, and pass my papers.now even if i work hard, which im not, i wont guarantee passing at all.so how. i dunno. i tink im quite dead. but hten again, i dunno.heck lah.shtishitshit. i just had to say that sorry.
im even sadder cos i forgot my cam yest? and i feel bad for not writing a note to everybody.i feel sad. but argh.i miss everybody already.. reading notes yest made me more stone than i alr was.haha. oh welll. thanks for all the nice smses from everyone, but we din relaly play that well.haha.oh well.shrug. i guess i sohuld stop tinking about it.oh well.
we all made the same mistake again.
is it really worth making another one?
since its already happened...
lets just make that the last..
please?
for the band we all love so much.
lets stop creating avenuse for regret.
[em]ily_ 11:09 AM